If you're faint of heart or do not like to deal with unpleasant thoughts go ahead and change channels. This blog may be a tough read, but probably not as tough as it is to write. Few people want to talk about what they would do if they were faced with their demise or the loss of someone they love. Death is a given in our lives like breathing or eating or any other mundane thing that we may take for granted but it doesn't make for pleasant dinner conversation does it?
Mike's mama has had an extremely difficult year. They unexpectedly found cancer growing in her uterus right before Christmas and she immediately underwent a complete hysterectomy and began preventative radiation treatments. Up until that point, she had served as the caretaker for Mike's dad who has been in fairly poor health since Mike was in college. He has been in and out of the hospital since July, 2012 with heart issues in addition to dealing with the after effects of a transplanted kidney and liver. She is a tough lady! I've never thought she particularly cared for me...I stole her only child...her baby boy!! That being said...I've never developed false hope that we would become big buddies and go shopping together or trade recipes or do things together but in rare moments of intimacy she confided in me about things that happened in the past and how she was never one to be warm and fuzzy but she loved me anyway. She definitely has never held back about how I'm not popping out any grandchildren for her!! Since her surgery Mike and I have visited with her twice and she seemed ok until we received news that she was in the hospital for an emergency procedure to open a blockage in an artery that runs to her brain. She came home but just this week was put back in due to dehydration which come to find out was caused by a tumor pressing on her colon and making her not want to eat or drink. My wifey put it best, "How much can one person go through?"
Mrs. Johnson is absolutely not one of the most positive people in the world so she has already begun to make plans for the what if's that no one wants to talk about, which is a logical step I guess. This is what kills me... She doesn't want a funeral or a service. She just wants to be cremated and be done. No friends or family or worship. That's it....Done.
When Mike told me this I was pretty taken aback. My first question was why? I get that your life house has expired...you're no longer there... but I guess part of me thinks that there should be more closure than that. Your final send off isn't exactly designed for your enjoyment. It's more to to allow other people to come pay their last respects and show love and support to your family. I know there will be people that read this and say that it's none of my business...these are HER wishes and not Lendy's wishes, and I'm sure she has her reasons for this decision. Regardless it completely unnerved me. Her life...which is still not over btw....has made a difference to countless Kindergartners that she helped color and learn how to count in the classroom. She is known throughout the community, has friends, and of course her family. Her life has made a contribution and it deserves some form of public acknowledgement if things do not work out in my not so humble opinion. I have to say it here because I don't have the guts to tell her in person...I think she could still take me if she wanted to. Doesn't have to be a blowout bash or sad funeral dirge. Which while we're here let me just say I want all of y'all to celebrate if something happens to me. Either celebrate that I've gone to meet my King and any positive things...love, laughter, and fun that we had....celebrate that you're alive and the Lord still has a purpose for you to fulfill....or just come to celebrate the fact that you're rid of me haha...either way. I told Mike to be sure y'all ate lots of fried food in my honor and to bury me in Pelham next to the train tracks so my body will return back to the red dirt with the trains hollering nearby...exactly how me and multiple generations of my family grew up.
The prognosis for Mrs. Johnson is seemingly not good. This tumor is aggressive and her body is weak. Mike and I have faith that we serve a BIG God...one who is bigger than broken bodies and crushed spirits...Eternal and Almighty. He is going to take care of this situation whether it be physical healing or the ultimate healing. Then there's the selfish moments with me crying in the corner because I'm weak and I don't know how to respond to the demands in this moment. Yeah I'm dramatic but it's true. I told my boo today that I'm a wreck...I'm not mature enough to deal with what is going on and what could be coming ahead. I have no idea how to comfort Mike who always seems so strong and typically holds me together, and who is also an emotional avoider. I'm desperately coveting your prayers. Please pray for Mrs. J and her healing, and wisdom for the doctors that are trying to help her. Pray for comfort for Mike and his Daddy as they have to face all these what if's and please pray that I will be lead to be the wife that Mike needs me to be in the days ahead no matter what happens.
