I must confess that I haven’t been a model church goer these
past few weeks… okay months. With the
rush of work, being a weekend road warrior, and at times just downright lazy…
there has been more than one Sunday since September that I've spent outside of
the church building. My Monday Women’s
Bible Study group hasn't met since before Thanksgiving. I am really missing my regular reading,
fellowshipping (is that a word?), worshiping routine these days.
Bible study will begin again week after next so I decided to commit time
over the next week to review what was studied in the fall, catch up on a week
of assignments I had missed, and prepare for the spring session of Acts. I sat down today and cracked open my notes
for the first time since November and it felt like what could best be described
as relief. One of the questions totally
struck me. I knew I was going to have to
journal about it (yeah 2014 goals!!!!!) and then I also decided to write a
little bloggy blog too. I must also confess that often I don't choose what I write about. Sometimes it's just laid on my heart that I need to / want to share.
The question: Share with your group how your life has been
changed by the gospel.
Hello group.
I sat there and stared at the words on the page for a good
10 minutes, my mind completely blank.
How does one put into words how their life has changed since they heard
and believed the gospel of Jesus Christ?
We live in a seminary town.
I have some seminary friends. I
attend a church with a large body of seminarians. While I am not a seminarian, I am a part of
and have bought into a community of believers that are all about the business
of the gospel…sharing it, living it out to bring glory to God, and to serve as
a witness for others to see. At times I
feel like a fledgling when it comes to sharing my testimony, or speaking on
scripture and my feelings on evangelism.
I don’t have an amazing testimony complete with some dramatic conversion
that featured bright lights, crazy winds, or a loud booming voice. Nor have I traveled to far off locations and
proclaimed Christ to lost nations or suffered physical persecution for His
name. No, my story began with a small
whisper in my heart. I then realized that
in order to fully answer this question…How has your life been changed by the
gospel…I would have to start at what it was like before I knew what the gospel
was.
As a child, I associated the word gospel with True Gospel
Baptist Church two miles up the road from our house. People mentioned words like “Holy Ghost” when
they referenced that church, so for a long time I thought, “gospel” may have
something to do with a white sheet figure floating around. Gospel also made me think of worn hardwood
floors, the smell of books, and creaking chairs in my Sunday school classroom. It was a word for adults that I couldn't really
comprehend. As I got older, I learned
that gospel was a type of old school Christian music that my grandparents and
parents liked to listen to on Saturday nights.
They sang along word for word because they had heard all of these songs
growing up. Meanwhile I mouthed along
the best I could if we sang them on Sunday mornings. The gospels were 4 books in my bible which I
ONLY opened on Sunday IF we were allowed to attend church, and Christmas Eve as
we read the story of Jesus’ birth. Thank
God He was born so we could get presents…geez.
These gospels talked about this Jesus, a man that was also God (I’m
sorry what?), who died to cleanse my sins whatever they may be. This distant figure was someone that I should
be allegiant to, or prepare to burn in hell for eternity otherwise. Regardless of the flawed theology, I felt a
tug at my heart strings when I was 10 years old and prayed to accept Jesus
Christ as my Savior one night after vacation bible school. This Jesus was not scary and draped in a
white sheet like the Holy Ghost. :)
By the time I reached my preteen / teenage years I
understood Jesus was the Son of God…how that came to be was a complete mystery
but I accepted it as the truth because that was what I was supposed to
believe. What I learned about most
during this time of my life was sin.
Impure thoughts, lusts, lies, gossip, covetousness, vanity, and selfishness. I behaved as if I were in total control of my
life and often became angry when things didn't go according to my plan. I also did not want to face the consequences
of my actions when I made mistakes or poor decisions. Basically I was a typical teenager. I remember telling lies and feeling my gut
tie up in knots. I remember how good it
felt when I stroked my own ego about the way I looked or the things I
possessed, and looked down on those that me or my friends thought were
less. I also remember sleepless nights
where I couldn't help but think of how hurtful my actions were and how I wished
I could take them all back. I remember
the weight of un-forgiveness I felt toward my daddy after my parents’ divorce
and multiple others that I deeply cared about but cut out of my life because I
felt like they slighted me. Now I wish I
could reverse those decisions, but since I cannot I am grateful for the lessons
they taught me.
I have always felt a desire to build intimate relationships
with people around me. At times it has
been such an amazing blessing and at others it has felt like a burden. Somewhere in early adulthood I realized that
this was a gift from this Jesus and that I should be using it to do positive
things rather than worrying about getting hurt or reciprocation. After a failed engagement to a boy I thought
I was in love with (key words: ‘I thought’), something clicked in me that maybe
it was time to begin asking Jesus what He thought was best for me rather than
me trying to go at it alone. He has
consequently walked me though my marriage, my first career, graduate school, a
miscarriage, the death of dear family members, building new relationships,
another new job, on and on even to this day.
He has shown me that He is present in the extraordinary and the
mundane. He continually teaches me how I
need to pray, how to confront and turn away from negative behaviors, and serve
others. No, there is not a loud booming
voice talking or instructing me. It’s
the still voice of the Holy Spirit (my fave Ghost), His truth (God’s Word), and
the counsel of people He has placed into my life.
He has shown me how to walk with Him and years later since
He quietly whispered to me, I finally comprehend the breadth and depth of the
gospel and the power of my Jesus. How
God saw my brokenness even at the beginning of time and sent Jesus, Whom
selflessly died and bore the wrath of the Almighty in my stead, so that I could
be reconciled to God and bring all glory and honor to Him. All I have to do is confess my sins and
believe on Him. All this time He has
pursued me (praise Him) in an effort to call me His. And the same is true of everyone else
regardless of where they are. The gospel
has given me a purpose, taught me about grace, and the true meaning of love and
fulfillment. Does that mean that things
are perfect? That I’m perfect? Absolutely not.
It only confirms the fact that I’m human and in need of lots of grace.
Again, I’m no great theologian. I’m not even a decent storyteller. How the gospel has changed Lendy Johnson
isn't a fairy tale. My story is more like a lab practical (hands-on), that’s still in progress, but will eventually have a sweet ending.
Is it fair for me to ask, how has the gospel changed your life? Has it changed your life at all?
Is it fair for me to ask, how has the gospel changed your life? Has it changed your life at all?
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