Lendy's Throwback Moodle Posts: Pencils Down

I am a slow, methodical test taker.  It literally took me forever to complete an essay test because I would outline and write every single detail I could think of, always rushing at the end and stressed that I would not finish in time.  On days like today, I would go back and take 10 essay tests on the Assyrian empire or Henry David Thoreau every day just to know the right answer to one of life's many test questions.  Example:

1.  Part A.  List every single task you need to be have completed.  If you have not completed said tasks please state why.
      Part B.  Explain step by step how you to plan to accomplish each of these items without:
                   i.  Making someone angry or hurt.
                   ii.  Meeting and not exceeding any proposed deadlines.
                   iii. Completing task at a level that exceeds personal and public expectations.

2.  Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years? What do you want to accomplish? List out how you plan to do it.

All the leadership training in the world didn't prepare me to give sincere answers to these questions.  If you can't tell, I feel like I'm in the midst of a tough life essay test.  For the past 2 weeks especially I've been puzzling through questions about my future, questioning things in my relationships with some of my closet friends, and struggling to list out things I need to be working on rather than procrastinating.  It's caused some test anxiety... personal emotional conflicts of frustration, feeling very insecure, and lack of confidence, BUT I know I'm going to pass the test.  Not because I studied hard or completed my assignments, but because my Teacher is divinely forgiving.  That doesn't stop me from wanting to succeed.  It does provide some motivation on days like today to keep studying and keep working when I feel lost and overwhelmed.  I remember the look some of my students with learning disabilities had as they stared at their papers with no clue as to where to start.   If anything, I'm so fortunate I've been given every opportunity to be great in all things, and capable of helping others be great even when I think my stock is running low.

I'm grateful for growth as I am learning how to maintain my focus on the main thing.  

"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.  But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." -- James 1:2-4

Letters from Lendy - Monday

Dear Monday,

Let's skip the pleasantries shall we? My granma (God rest her soul) would roll over in her grave if she knew I wasn't going to ask you how things were going, but quite frankly I'm not asking because I don't care to know.  You have little (if any) regard for trying my patience at every opportunity, why play nice now? You intentionally dialed up cold nasty weather to start this week.  Apparently you've been terrorizing other people too because most people I talked with today were ill as old bell hornets or being as spiteful as possible.  It's Saturday and Sunday's fault you say? Your sexy sister Saturday and sweet sister Sunday who are always fun to be with and willingly spend time with my family and friends? Those same sisters that love to nap, watch movies, run, swim, bike, shop, drive... and all other things that are glorious? I don't even really mind working some with Saturday and Sunday.  They don't care if I work in my yoga pants or at the coffee hut down the street (in my yoga pants).  Monday, between you and I old compadre, you need to loosen up.  Go workout, have a drink, knit a sweater, something.  You don't have to be as cool as your sisters, but right now your only saving grace is that I get to have some sweet fellowship early on your watch and for that I'm grateful.  When that goes away I'm not sure what we're going to do.  Do NOT suggest margarita Monday.  However tempting after your stunts today; it ain't gonna happen.    

I'm watching you.

Lendy

P.S. Please call up your BFF Mother Nature and see if she's over her toxic relationship with Winter yet.  Seems like she's getting there but she just needs to go ahead and kick old son to the curb.

Conviction #9999

Ecclesiastes may be one of the most depressing yet relevant books of scripture we've talked about thus far during church.  All the work we do, the knowledge we gain, honor that we obtain, "everything under the sun" is meaningless apart from  God.  We had a pretty fabulous and convicting message this morning on being an overachiever, secluding oneself, popularity, and community.  I can relate to Solomon's "solemn" outlook on life when I struggle to maintain focus on Jesus, get distracted by achievements or attention, and intentionally separate myself from my village.  Truth is our world is desperately lonely.  Even those of us who may be married or surrounded by close friends and family can be swayed to feel set apart.  We can also intentionally set ourselves apart in an effort to be a standout, not vulnerable, or focused on some type of material acquisition.  Our short little passage was a clear reminder that folks were not designed to operate apart from one another.  We all desire love from each other (whether you like it or not can only happen through Christ) and (whether we like it or not ) need spiritual accountability to keep our focus as it should be.

7 Then I returned, and I saw vanity under the sun: 8 There is one alone, without companion: He has neither son nor brother. Yet there is no end to all his labors, Nor is his eye satisfied with riches. But he never asks, “For whom do I toil and deprive myself of good?” This also is vanity and a grave misfortune. 9 Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. 10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up. 11 Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone? 12 Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken. 13 Better a poor and wise youth Than an old and foolish king who will be admonished no more. 14 For he comes out of prison to be king, Although he was born poor in his kingdom. 15 I saw all the living who walk under the sun; They were with the second youth who stands in his place. 16 There was no end of all the people over whom he was made king; Yet those who come afterward will not rejoice in him. Surely this also is vanity and grasping for the wind.

"Lent" Licker Lendy

My honorary Cajun status has been revoked.  Yesterday was Fat Tuesday and I didn't even know it, which consequently means that today is the first day of Lent.  I wouldn't have had any idea except my boo texted early this morning to tell me she had chosen to lay aside coffee for her Lent season.  I pondered for mere seconds what it would be like for me to give up coffee for 40 days, and swiftly came to the conclusion that it would lead to more un-Christ-like behavior than penitent prayer. 

Truth is I’m not clear on how this whole Lent thing works.  Growing up, the only “Lent” I knew about was spelled l-i-n-t and got caught in the dryer trap.  My mixed breed Baptist family did not observe Lent.  My friends in high school used Lent as a way to temporarily lose a few pounds from giving up fast food or soft drinks.  I got the idea Lent was about giving up unhealthy or negative habits that you were already trying to give up just that during those 40 days Jesus was watching you closer than normal.  How ridiculous right? Yet that was my attitude about practicing Lent until I went to graduate school and met some devout Catholics and Methodists who truly observe the season of Lent.  I found out that Lent is really about sacrifice, repentance, and drawing closer to God.  People generally lay something aside or give something up in order to spend more time intentionally seeking God or trusting in His strength to keep them from running back to what they have put down. 

Since I've come to grasp more clearly what Lent is about, I have sincerely tried to give something up that I really depended upon or that took time away from prayer and bible study each Lent season.  Some years have been more successful than others due to my weak flesh.  ("Watch an pray, lest you enter into temptation.  The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." Matthew 26:41) Since this morning I've spent the better part of the day pondering what I can set aside or give up in order to draw closer to Him during this season.  There's the obvious... coffee, Facebook, my blog (y’all wish), running (L), etc.  My mind wanders back to how demanding my work and schedule have been for the past few weeks and I start thinking how incredibly impossible it seems to give up something I enjoy when everything else around me seems so hard.  I realized these thoughts suggest that my heart’s not trusting in His strength, and then another thought popped into this hard head...

Maybe I don’t need to take something away...maybe I need to add something. 

Lately I have felt so incredibly overwhelmed with work that every day is mainly just going through the motions in order to survive and advance.  For the past 2 weeks I walk through the door at night and simply say, “I got nothing left for today.” I don’t know if I can technically do this (because I don’t know ALL the Lent rules), but what I would like to do every day for the next 40 days is take time each day to write a note of love or encouragement to someone.  I want to trust God that when I say I don’t have time or I don’t have anything left that He will give me the words and make provision to make this happen.  Maybe my Lent project isn't conventional and maybe it doesn't follow the rules, but I’m hoping even though I’m adding something instead of subtracting something, “He will increase, and I will decrease.”   

So, if you would like to receive a little note in the next few weeks, don’t be shy... send me your address.  Do not feel presumptuous.  You’re helping me keep my Lent promise, and it’s really a privilege to be able to pray for y’all and offer up words of love and encouragement even if I have to borrow them from someone else because mine aren't all that sufficient.  J   

I'll be missing March

I'm sort of sad that March has come upon us.  I'm thankful for the start of Spring, but not so much to the end of a very special "class" I've been taking for the past eight months.  My Women's Bible study is coming to an end, and it's going to leave me thirsty and achy for more... I can already tell.  I've mentioned before and will say it again, these women are women I want to be like someday.  They are beyond the awkward phase of trying to be put together all they time.  They've raised children and lovingly served their husbands and extended family.  They treasure their friends, and are mean cooks.  Most importantly I want to love and seek the Lord like these women and pray for every person I love the way they so tenderly and desperately do.  More than just fellowship, this study has helped the bible become a living book for me.  I did not understand Paul and his rambling affectionate letters to the churches he had helped plant, but now I understand him and how desperately he loved the Lord and wanted to nurture others in their relationship with Jesus.  Instead of not understanding him, I hope to identify with him more.  If you don't read scripture or pray with anyone aside from when you read or pray together corporately at church consider trying it out.  It has changed me.  I find that I can no longer simply read scripture like it's flat history.  I pray and critically think about the people and events that I read about.  I look at the contexts and try to comprehend what they may have been thinking or feeling, and what the Lord is revealing about Himself to them.  My hope is He will reveal to me how I can apply those things to my life.  My girlfriend and I were discussing Lot's wife turning into salt and I couldn't help but joke that if I had been running beside of that woman I totally would have breathlessly shouted, "Did y'all see that!!!??" My friend said she would have yelled back, "Look forward and keep running crazy!"

A serious example, we recently studied the last chapter in the Gospel of John about the disciples having breakfast with the Lord by the sea.  This is after Jesus' resurrection and the disciples had been cooped up in a room fearing that they would be persecuted by the Jews.  The Apostle Peter announces that he is going fishing and everyone wants to go with.  I picture a bunch of men like my family, minus the camo, out fishing together in a boat.  Shortly before this trip Jesus had been put to death, rose from the dead, and had been seen by the disciples at various times.  There probably wasn't a lot of talking going on out on that boat but there was likely a lot of thinking as those men worked the nets together. They weren't catching anything so they were probably pretty grumpy.  Early in the morning John tells Peter that Jesus is on the shore calling to them where to cast the nets to actually catch some fish.  When Peter heard this he put on his outer cloak, jumped overboard, and swam for shore.  Dr. Lanier described how men would often work in their "under shirts" but it was considered improper to be out in public without an outer cloak which was heavy and probably made from wool.  Peter swam to shore dragging an anchor of cloth behind him when he could have just waited until the boat got close by and jumped out like the rest of the disciples.  As I sat there and listened it was almost as if I were in a trance.  I thought about how it felt when my boo came back from being in Africa for two years.  I didn't wait for her car to stop in the cul de sac before I was outside, barefoot in December, wanting to put my arms around her.  The Bible doesn't literally say what made Peter jump overboard but I could almost sense how Peter's heartbeat sped up, and he was so overcome with excitement, joy, love, maybe even some anxiety that he just couldn't wait to get to shore to embrace his best friend, his Savior, and Lord.  I can imagine him thrashing through the water in that cloak and coming up soaking wet but smiling as he walked up the beach to Jesus.

The image makes my heartbeat go up in anticipation.  I cannot fathom how exciting and joyous it will be to see my Jesus standing on the shore waiting for me.  I can only imagine rushing across the sea of glass into His arms.