Conviction #9999

Ecclesiastes may be one of the most depressing yet relevant books of scripture we've talked about thus far during church.  All the work we do, the knowledge we gain, honor that we obtain, "everything under the sun" is meaningless apart from  God.  We had a pretty fabulous and convicting message this morning on being an overachiever, secluding oneself, popularity, and community.  I can relate to Solomon's "solemn" outlook on life when I struggle to maintain focus on Jesus, get distracted by achievements or attention, and intentionally separate myself from my village.  Truth is our world is desperately lonely.  Even those of us who may be married or surrounded by close friends and family can be swayed to feel set apart.  We can also intentionally set ourselves apart in an effort to be a standout, not vulnerable, or focused on some type of material acquisition.  Our short little passage was a clear reminder that folks were not designed to operate apart from one another.  We all desire love from each other (whether you like it or not can only happen through Christ) and (whether we like it or not ) need spiritual accountability to keep our focus as it should be.

7 Then I returned, and I saw vanity under the sun: 8 There is one alone, without companion: He has neither son nor brother. Yet there is no end to all his labors, Nor is his eye satisfied with riches. But he never asks, “For whom do I toil and deprive myself of good?” This also is vanity and a grave misfortune. 9 Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. 10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up. 11 Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone? 12 Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken. 13 Better a poor and wise youth Than an old and foolish king who will be admonished no more. 14 For he comes out of prison to be king, Although he was born poor in his kingdom. 15 I saw all the living who walk under the sun; They were with the second youth who stands in his place. 16 There was no end of all the people over whom he was made king; Yet those who come afterward will not rejoice in him. Surely this also is vanity and grasping for the wind.

"Lent" Licker Lendy

My honorary Cajun status has been revoked.  Yesterday was Fat Tuesday and I didn't even know it, which consequently means that today is the first day of Lent.  I wouldn't have had any idea except my boo texted early this morning to tell me she had chosen to lay aside coffee for her Lent season.  I pondered for mere seconds what it would be like for me to give up coffee for 40 days, and swiftly came to the conclusion that it would lead to more un-Christ-like behavior than penitent prayer. 

Truth is I’m not clear on how this whole Lent thing works.  Growing up, the only “Lent” I knew about was spelled l-i-n-t and got caught in the dryer trap.  My mixed breed Baptist family did not observe Lent.  My friends in high school used Lent as a way to temporarily lose a few pounds from giving up fast food or soft drinks.  I got the idea Lent was about giving up unhealthy or negative habits that you were already trying to give up just that during those 40 days Jesus was watching you closer than normal.  How ridiculous right? Yet that was my attitude about practicing Lent until I went to graduate school and met some devout Catholics and Methodists who truly observe the season of Lent.  I found out that Lent is really about sacrifice, repentance, and drawing closer to God.  People generally lay something aside or give something up in order to spend more time intentionally seeking God or trusting in His strength to keep them from running back to what they have put down. 

Since I've come to grasp more clearly what Lent is about, I have sincerely tried to give something up that I really depended upon or that took time away from prayer and bible study each Lent season.  Some years have been more successful than others due to my weak flesh.  ("Watch an pray, lest you enter into temptation.  The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." Matthew 26:41) Since this morning I've spent the better part of the day pondering what I can set aside or give up in order to draw closer to Him during this season.  There's the obvious... coffee, Facebook, my blog (y’all wish), running (L), etc.  My mind wanders back to how demanding my work and schedule have been for the past few weeks and I start thinking how incredibly impossible it seems to give up something I enjoy when everything else around me seems so hard.  I realized these thoughts suggest that my heart’s not trusting in His strength, and then another thought popped into this hard head...

Maybe I don’t need to take something away...maybe I need to add something. 

Lately I have felt so incredibly overwhelmed with work that every day is mainly just going through the motions in order to survive and advance.  For the past 2 weeks I walk through the door at night and simply say, “I got nothing left for today.” I don’t know if I can technically do this (because I don’t know ALL the Lent rules), but what I would like to do every day for the next 40 days is take time each day to write a note of love or encouragement to someone.  I want to trust God that when I say I don’t have time or I don’t have anything left that He will give me the words and make provision to make this happen.  Maybe my Lent project isn't conventional and maybe it doesn't follow the rules, but I’m hoping even though I’m adding something instead of subtracting something, “He will increase, and I will decrease.”   

So, if you would like to receive a little note in the next few weeks, don’t be shy... send me your address.  Do not feel presumptuous.  You’re helping me keep my Lent promise, and it’s really a privilege to be able to pray for y’all and offer up words of love and encouragement even if I have to borrow them from someone else because mine aren't all that sufficient.  J   

I'll be missing March

I'm sort of sad that March has come upon us.  I'm thankful for the start of Spring, but not so much to the end of a very special "class" I've been taking for the past eight months.  My Women's Bible study is coming to an end, and it's going to leave me thirsty and achy for more... I can already tell.  I've mentioned before and will say it again, these women are women I want to be like someday.  They are beyond the awkward phase of trying to be put together all they time.  They've raised children and lovingly served their husbands and extended family.  They treasure their friends, and are mean cooks.  Most importantly I want to love and seek the Lord like these women and pray for every person I love the way they so tenderly and desperately do.  More than just fellowship, this study has helped the bible become a living book for me.  I did not understand Paul and his rambling affectionate letters to the churches he had helped plant, but now I understand him and how desperately he loved the Lord and wanted to nurture others in their relationship with Jesus.  Instead of not understanding him, I hope to identify with him more.  If you don't read scripture or pray with anyone aside from when you read or pray together corporately at church consider trying it out.  It has changed me.  I find that I can no longer simply read scripture like it's flat history.  I pray and critically think about the people and events that I read about.  I look at the contexts and try to comprehend what they may have been thinking or feeling, and what the Lord is revealing about Himself to them.  My hope is He will reveal to me how I can apply those things to my life.  My girlfriend and I were discussing Lot's wife turning into salt and I couldn't help but joke that if I had been running beside of that woman I totally would have breathlessly shouted, "Did y'all see that!!!??" My friend said she would have yelled back, "Look forward and keep running crazy!"

A serious example, we recently studied the last chapter in the Gospel of John about the disciples having breakfast with the Lord by the sea.  This is after Jesus' resurrection and the disciples had been cooped up in a room fearing that they would be persecuted by the Jews.  The Apostle Peter announces that he is going fishing and everyone wants to go with.  I picture a bunch of men like my family, minus the camo, out fishing together in a boat.  Shortly before this trip Jesus had been put to death, rose from the dead, and had been seen by the disciples at various times.  There probably wasn't a lot of talking going on out on that boat but there was likely a lot of thinking as those men worked the nets together. They weren't catching anything so they were probably pretty grumpy.  Early in the morning John tells Peter that Jesus is on the shore calling to them where to cast the nets to actually catch some fish.  When Peter heard this he put on his outer cloak, jumped overboard, and swam for shore.  Dr. Lanier described how men would often work in their "under shirts" but it was considered improper to be out in public without an outer cloak which was heavy and probably made from wool.  Peter swam to shore dragging an anchor of cloth behind him when he could have just waited until the boat got close by and jumped out like the rest of the disciples.  As I sat there and listened it was almost as if I were in a trance.  I thought about how it felt when my boo came back from being in Africa for two years.  I didn't wait for her car to stop in the cul de sac before I was outside, barefoot in December, wanting to put my arms around her.  The Bible doesn't literally say what made Peter jump overboard but I could almost sense how Peter's heartbeat sped up, and he was so overcome with excitement, joy, love, maybe even some anxiety that he just couldn't wait to get to shore to embrace his best friend, his Savior, and Lord.  I can imagine him thrashing through the water in that cloak and coming up soaking wet but smiling as he walked up the beach to Jesus.

The image makes my heartbeat go up in anticipation.  I cannot fathom how exciting and joyous it will be to see my Jesus standing on the shore waiting for me.  I can only imagine rushing across the sea of glass into His arms.            

Wedding Dress Challenge

I've had several friends get married over the past 12 months and slowly but surely my Facebook feed and blog reader are being covered in photos of beautiful smiling girls in white gowns with handsome men holding on to one another, and their goofy looking friends (including me) awkwardly dancing or shoving cake in their mouths.  Lovely.  All of my friends are beautiful sans formal gowns, fancy updo's, and elaborate make-up.  Still...looking at the pictures makes my heart yearn just a little bit.  When Michael Johnson and I were married 7 years ago, I was just out of school and could not afford beautiful bridal portraits.  I used a chunk of savings to pay for our wedding day pictures and they were a huge disappointment.  My family took better pictures with disposable cameras and old school digital bricks than what my "professional" photographers put together.  After sitting on my rear throughout the winter, looking at photos and gaining 5 pounds I made a vain decision... I'm going to take some bridal portraits this Spring....7 years later.  I know that my wedding dress will need to be altered already, but I needed some motivation to get my workout on and I'm thinking that this would be a fun way to do it.  I'd appreciate some accountability from you all too.  I'm trying to convince Michael Johnson to participate in the challenge in a before and after photo but he's not so keen on it.  :)

      

Patience & Gra{y}ce -- The Sewing Project

We interrupt your regular doom and gloom Lendy blog series to bring you an update on a little ongoing effort Lendy has been working on for the past 3 months.  I decided about 2 weeks ago that I would not write another blog until this ongoing project was mostly completed and as of this hour everything but the crying is done.

I guess most people know that my given middle name is Grayce.  My great grandmother was named Grace and being born in 1902 and without much of a formal education she spelled her name with an extra "y." It often resulted in people calling her, "Gracie" and for much of my young life I too was called Grace or Gracie interchangeably with Lendy.  Remember -- Lendy is a weird name that some people have continual trouble with.  I think Mama threw that name in there hoping that I would obtain or exhibit some level of grace..oops.  Instead one of her favorite sayings to me to this day is, "Patience Grayce." You would think they go hand in hand.. patience and grace.  I have pretty good patience with people and situations but seriously lack patience when it comes to projects, and repetitive or tedious tasks.  I'm always one to talk about being sentimental and such but I'll pay any one of you little Pintrest honeys out there to make cute DIY stuff for me to give away than have to do it myself.  It's not that I don't have the talent or the time, just zero patience with the process.  In early December I was stalking my wifey's Pintrest page looking for Christmas present inspiration and stumbled across something that led me to embark upon a little adventure in the craft world that has taught me a new level of patience.

Sewing....

When I first started running and wanted to give up I would remember that I endured hours at the computer working through my thesis.  Working on this project I thought about the miles I pounded the pavement to train for my half marathon and knew I could endure not knowing how to sew, the sewing machine (Satan) jamming repeatedly, and my hands cramping from hours of stitching.  As I sat in the quiet sewing at night or during the snowpocolypse I found myself praying or thinking about the generations of women before me who did this all the time not for fun or for gifts but because they had to.  For once in my life a small fear crept into my mind that we -- us 20 or 30 somethings -- may be raising a generation that doesn't understand the importance of knowing simple skills like sewing and may look down on the people that do so for a living.  I'm not talking about Hollywood fashion designers.  Another fear... Would our children know or understand the significance of something handmade and passed down from generation to generation like a quilt or a piece of furniture? I know the answer to those questions lies with how I choose to raise my children if God grants me any.

Sure, possessions no matter how sentimental will be left behind when we move from this life to the next.  It's the thoughts and memories around these things that count and those usually revolve around the people that make them, share them, or use them.  They are some kind of tangible evidence of love, time, prayers, and practicality.  Growing up my Granma had a quilt we called the "Boom Blanket." We would run underneath it as she tossed it in the air and we would yell boom when it fell on us  or she'd spread it on the grass and we would jump on it yelling boom at the top of our lungs.  It was grass stained and smelled like sunshine and I remember how she could jump just as high as me and my cousins when we landed on it together.

Maybe these are future boom blankets.  I hope whomever ends up with them is blessed with warmth, comfort, and maybe just a lot of love.  :)        

Throwback Moodle Post: A Treatise on Friendship

At times, I get caught up in the titles that we give our friends.  Especially when it comes to the girlfriends.  I do not support…repeat DO NOT SUPPORT… calling your close friends your “bitches” or “hoes” or whatever.  If I call you as such then most likely I am one step away from asking you to step outside while I remove my earrings and prepare to bury you.  Friendship titles aren't that significant post 8th grade, but they continue to play games with people who are insecure..i.e. me.  I scroll through THE Facebook (aka the devil) and see friends throwing up posts about “my bestie” this and “my BFF” that.  Apparently you can have a different BFF every day while I have maybe 5 that I intend to try and keep for a while.  While there isn't an objective definition of what makes up a best friend, and the title doesn't really define the length, breadth, or depth of unconditional and at times sacrificial love and caring you can have for someone else I often take pause because I don’t have people out there posting about me being their “bestie” or “BFF.” I’m the ugly girl at the 8th grade dance holding up the wall with my 3” thick glasses for the 2^nd time in my life.  

Again, this is the danger of social media…comparing your reality with NOT reality.  

Once I wake up from my middle school dance I realize how entirely juvenile and self-centered such thoughts are.    I’m accusing these people of having a best friend “at me” rather than seeing it as a celebration of a great relationship between some folks.  Being someone’s best friend isn't about a sick title.  (Read as: I don't consider my best friends my "besties" because it's fun to say that word.)  It’s about constantly maintaining your focus on loving and serving the other person(s).  I also realize what a poor job I do of telling / showing my friends that I’m close to how much they mean to me, and rest assured that I'm a huge hypocrite because I very rarely, if ever, offer them any title of affirmation.  I have lots of friends but very few close friends and sometimes I delude myself into thinking that they know how I feel.  I do that with Michael Johnson all the time and he’s my boy BFFAEAE.  :) I think some of this spurs from being afraid to be vulnerable.  As one of my friends once said, “Being sentimental and intimate is scary.” So true and yet….

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

I used to think that I was a pretty good friend.  Then I started drafting this blog and over several weeks I've been studying God's word in regards to what it means to be a friend.  There are some pretty amazing models of devoted friendship.  Granted we do not live in biblical times or the Middle East but the sentiments and behaviors for the most part are very applicable to where we are today.  Of course Christ is the ultimate model of a friend.   Jesus met, spoke to, and healed lots of people during His time on Earth, but He spent the majority of His time ministering to and serving 12 men whom He called His friends.  These men went on to become His apostles and they continued on after His ascension in one accord as they were called to do.  At one time I could not make heads or tails of Paul's letters to his companions and brethren in the churches, but now I'm beginning to comprehend how much deeper you can love people through the lens of Christ.  

I don't expect to live up to the examples but I know I'm called to love -- read as: love, forgive, cry with, hold on to, speak well of, encourage, provide for materially, etc. -- people as if unto Him and through Him.  Scripture makes it pretty clear how valuable and important it is to have good friends.  In Lendy’s world there may not be another "form" of relationship more important than friendship.  For those of us who are Believers, our Christian friends are members of our spiritual family and we are to love and care for them as such.  

“In friendship...we think we have chosen our peers. In reality a few years' difference in the dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of one university instead of another...the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at a first meeting--any of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking no chances. A secret master of ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples, "Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you," can truly say to every group of Christian friends, "Ye have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another." The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others.” 

 C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

An Ode to my Home Girl: Mother Nature

Each morning I wake up and wonder whether or not I need to wear short sleeves or 3 layers of clothing to get me through the day.  One minute the temperature is in the 60's and 2-3 days later there is 3 inches of snow on the ground. My coworkers and friends keep saying, "Well that's North Carolina weather for you." No..no it's not.  I've been here my entire life, (almost) 30 years, and I cannot remember a winter quite like this one.    

Mother Nature must be having a rough time.  All you ladies out there know how it can be when your hormones are either raging or non-existent... it ain't good.  Hot flashes...cold flashes...out lashes...Bless her heart.  Furthermore, bless Mother Nature's poor suitors, the weathermen, who desperately try to guess what her mood is going to be from one day to the next.  I wish we all had their type of job security where we could make a random guess, go with it, and then when it failed just crack a corny joke and move on.  Prime example right here....

I don't know about the rest of you but when Mother Nature ain't happy... I ain't happy neither.  I go from someone who enjoys being active and eating fairly healthy to a bottomless pit / sleepy ---> grouchy old bitty.  I was lamenting on Facebook the other day about lusting for gravy and not wanting to workout.  A friend replied, "We're all in the same boat, the gravy boat." It was pretty hilarious but so true.  Mother Nature has placed me (us) in the gravy boat.  Now when I actually feel like running or whenever I sit down for that matter I have a bulge similar to a fanny pack full of gravy hanging over my belt.  Hopefully my home girl is going to get her ish together soon so we can all trade our gravy boats for sporty kayaks....

Otherwise I'm going to need some new jeans... and some mashed potatoes.