After long runs I usually lay under the high power lines that run beside of the river trail and stretch my body. There is an audible sizzle from the lines as they send electricity to 1000's of people living in North Raleigh and throughout Wake County. Throughout my entire run my mind has been thumping just as hard as my body... what's going to happen tomorrow...I can't believe she said that to me...I wonder if I did the right thing on that... Those moments under the power lines are my moments of solitude where everything seeps out and I get a brief flash of what could be called clarity.
I see birds sitting on the line staring down at me and I think...lately my thought life is for the birds.
What is your thought life? I guess it's different for each person. For me it's inner noise....emotions, feelings, thoughts, to do lists, what if's, what nexts all competing...even yelling over each other at times...to be the center of my attention. Not all inner noise is bad. Paul the apostle tells the Philippians, "Finally, brethren whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virture and if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things." For believers a lot of that means we should be meditating on God, His goodness, mercies, and blessings. I have so many praiseworthy things going on for me that I frequently tell people that I am divinely favored. So why is it that I spend nights awake in bed dwelling on harsh words with loved ones, stress from the things left undone at work, how dirty my dishes are, burdens for other people, insecurities, and my shortcomings?
It makes me tired just reading this list.
I think it's easy for negativity and stress to creep into our minds and hearts and instead of coping as we need to and trying to move on we become comfortable. Pain and comfort are opposites but there are those pet issues...for me usually insecurities... that we hold on to and when we need something to distract us we dial it up and set (Caswell Co for 'sit') comfortably in the dark feeling sorry for ourselves. We're frozen into who we were instead of living out who we are and looking forward to who we're becoming. Boo affectionately calls this concept the, "Cul de Sac of Stupidity" and I dare any of you to say that you've never made the circle once or twice yourselves. The fact of the matter is that as we turn to these issues and try to "manage" them ourselves, or refuse to give them up we are saying that He's not good enough. "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9)
I want to make my mind like a solid steel trap... One that captures the good, constructive things yet keeps the negative or inappropriate thoughts out. A mind capable of looking outward beyond my own selfish ish and wants to be a blessing and encouragement to others. Just like forgiveness, grief, and so many other things in life... this is a process and it takes a great deal of grace and self control for it to work. Thank God we have support through Him and our loved ones on the journey.
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