Taking it to the mattresses....

I have only heard the phrase, "Taking it to the mattresses," used in the 1990's Meg Ryan blockbuster (*sarcasm*) "You've Got Mail." Apparently it's a famous line from one of "The Godfather" movies and it references mafia members hiding somewhere other than at their house. I thought it could also be a great lead in to one of those little novels my mama used to take to the beach. Either way I just ripped it off because I've got an entertaining story and it happens to involve...you guessed it...a mattress.

For the past two days I've been taking one of my team members out into the district to meet with some very important volunteers. Yesterday we drove all over the northern counties and tomorrow we will finish up in the western counties. Today we both had various errands and tasks to complete so we drove separately most of the day. This afternoon we left Durham together and were both headed back to Raleigh on Interstate 85. Meg was right behind me because she's from down east and has no idea what's heads or tails in Durham and traffic was pretty intense. Right before our exit the large box truck directly in front of me slammed on brakes and before I really had time to get the words, "What the..." out of my mouth a full-sized mattress blew around the back of the truck and landed directly in front of me. Now, everything happened in a matter of 3 seconds but just like in those cheap made-for-TV movies time slowed down and I saw myself from the outside processing the situation. My options were to swerve left or right or hit the mattress. With two lanes of traffic on my left and two lanes of traffic on my right at 70 mph it could have / would have been extremely messy. My greatest fear period was that whether I hit it directly or just glanced it that the mattress would throw my truck into another lane of traffic or cause it to flip. Having only driven smaller cars my entire life I totally underestimate how tough and heavy my truck is. If by some luck I drove over the mattress with no issues then it would still likely be right in Meg's path. My options did not seem all that great.

I did what I thought to be the lesser of all the evils and made the decision to hit the mattress. I gripped the steering wheel, sped up a little, and slammed that mattress like a champion. Go big or go home people. I heard it busting all under my truck but the truck never swerved or even bounced really. After actually hitting the mattress my brain sort of began to slip into a haze of fear and relief that is until I heard the distinct sound of metal dragging behind the truck. First thought, the back passenger tire has busted. Everyone on I-85 immediately slowed to a crawl as I gradually took the lap of shame over to a sketchy median. I jumped out of the truck expecting to see my back tires slashed from the metal in the mattress but was quickly surprised to find the mattress was still wedged up under the truck.

Meg pulled in behind me, jumped out, and immediately began to laugh. She had watched everything happen from right behind me. After seeing that I was ok and had only gained a mattress landing gear, she was laughing at the craziness of our situation and at least a little out of relief. Still shaking...I swallowed the huge lump in my throat and I began to laugh too...I was alive, my truck wasn't damaged, and no one else got hurt in the process. Divine favor.

Traffic was whizzing by on either side of us as we tried to pull the twisted metal and stuffing out from under the truck. Meg and I were using all of our weight pulling and pushing with little result. I was debating whether to call the troopers. I've never had a good experience with a trooper so part of me almost just wanted to abandon the truck and just head home. A beat up black truck backed up the exit ramp toward us and this super kind man crawled under my truck and within a few minutes he was able to jerk the mattress out. He even loaded it on the back of his truck saying that he did not want someone else to have the same trouble. I really wanted to hug this guy. All he said before he jumped in his truck was, "There are still good people in the world."

I've been run down for the past week it seems ...my patience has been thin...my feelings have been hurt...the to do list seems never ending. After our little adventure I came home with the weight still on my shoulders, took a nap, and woke up with a song on my heart. We laughed at this story over supper but the fact that this could have a much more serious outcome is impossible to overlook no matter how much I don't want to dwell on it. I'm not afraid to die, but I'm not itching for death to overtake me or to cause harm to anyone intentional or not. It could have happened to anyone out on the road but today I was given a second chance to adjust my attitude and a reminder that there are still good caring people in this world regardless of the hurt others cause and that I need to try to pay that goodness forward. I stopped on the side of the road on the way home from supper and offered a poor runner my rain jacket in a downpour...She waved me off annoyed...I should have realized I was interrupting her pace and keeping her further from getting dry. Gold star for effort right?

Water Woosies

Today has been a less than stellar day...regardless I want to write about something positive, but hopefully not boastful. I need to go ahead and change my blog title to reflect something about running or being active. Several of my posts are about my attempts to become an athlete at age 28. Notice I said, “attempts." Who would read the running blog of a wannabe runner? I'm sure other poser runner people would understand.

In the past 2 weeks I have had 2 people ask me if I was a runner. My first reaction is to laugh...really hard... but somehow I manage to choke back and just smile and say, "Well...I try." Then there's this magical moment of me wondering what about me made them think I was a runner??? Dang do I look in shape?? Neh....

The first lady was a nurse at the allergist. She took my pulse and it was a whopping 46 beats per minute at 9am. She did a double take and quickly asked me if I was a runner. I told her I ran some and she seemed to relax. Apparently people that run are calmer and have lower pulse rates. It's likely because I only drank one cup of coffee that morning and I was technically still asleep. Or I was holding my breath in anticipation of all the needles I was about to be stuck with. Either way.

The second time was this morning when I went for a swim. My blog is my confessional...so here you go people... I am afraid of the water. Not so much of drowning or getting it in my ears or up my nose, but the fact that I struggle as a swimmer and I cannot take failure. I've been working on my swimming since the first triathlon in June. I went ahead and signed up for the second one in August despite my water woosies. Today I was swimming next to this beast of a lady who easily swam like 4 miles and made it look effortless. When I came up for air I just gawked at how easy she made it through the water. I did 35 minutes in the pool and then on my way out she stopped me. "You're a runner aren't you?" My jaw dropped. This crazy athletic woman recognized that I run...OMG!!!! My gold star for the day!! Then she politely informed me that most people that run point their toes down when they swim...big "no no" according to my swim instructor. Dayum.... Come to find out this lady is a certified triathlon coach, has done 3 Ironmans, and is on her way to doing a fourth. That's like 140 miles of swimming, biking, and running people. She confessed to me that her workouts were getting boring but her race was getting closer. She complemented my stroke and breathing...big surprise there... but the biggest thing that struck me was that she held no reservations in telling me that she was 36 when she started training. She also told me she had only been swimming for 8 years. For some odd reason...this gave me hope. I'd really appreciate some prayers over the next week for a strong finish...mainly that I just come out of the water.
       

How well do you know me?

Facebook didn't become a popular thing until I was almost out of college with my undergrad.  Yep... How's that for a confession? I remember filling out these ridiculous questionaires that people would post and then repost in an effort to get their friends to answer questions.  Sort of like playing one of those ridiculous "get-to-know-you" icebreakers at camp that always seemed annoying at the time but then you found out a lot about your friends that you may have not known.  Two weeks ago at my wife's bridal shower we played a goofy little game called, "How well do you know the bride?" This game was simply filling out a worksheet that asked questions about the bride like...What's the bride's favorite store? What's the bride's favorite color? Food? Movie? Book? What month did she meet the groom? Whose her favorite actor or band? What's her middle name? I know my wifey.  I shared an office with her for two years.  She used to love drinking cherry coke.  She likes hazelnut coffee creamer in her coffee, skittles, antique / rural decor, and minature hershey bars.  Beer of choice -- Coors light.  We both have a passion for bad 80's hair bands, country music, wearing sweaters, cowboy boots, Target, Paula Deen / southern cooking, and the Fall.  She loves the Steelers and the Penguins, plays piano, guitar, and some banjo.  She doesn't mind roughing it in order to get a beautiful view of a mountian or a creek.  Incredibly intelligent, sometimes blunt, but always affectionate and gives fabulous hugs. 

I thought this little question game was going to be a joke and a joke it definitely was not.  Seriously y'all I was so embarrassed at how few of those questions I could answer with definite certainty.  I knew where her and her fiance had met but it blanked me on what time of year it was...We listen to so much music I've never paid attention if she ever mentioned one band being the favorite over another.  Rough.... I also realized how I couldn't answer a lot of those questions for myself.  I've been doing some soul searching recently and as a part of that I figured out my answers to these trivia questions and committed my wifey's answers to memory.  :)

1. What's your middle name? Grayce

2. What was your first job? I completed a work study under my former high school ag teacher all 4 years of high school.  It's basically what led me to want to become an ag teacher.

3.  What's your favorite color? Green.... but I'm also partial to red.  :)

4.  What's your favorite restaurant? I haven't met too many that I don't care for but I really enjoy the Carolina Ale House.. followed closely by Firebirds.  I also love Mitch's near NCSU, Subway and Zaxby's. 

5.  What's yur fave store? Target

6.  Favorite band / singer? George Strait, but I also love some Brooks & Dunn, Moroon 5, and Hillsong United.  Gotta get my Jesus music on.

7.  Favorite song? There is no one favorite.  I have weekly favorites.  Neon Moon by Brooks & Dunn may be my fave of all time though.

8.  Favorite movie?  Love Actually but there are plenty of others I enjoy. 

9.  Books? Pride & Prejudice... the Harry Potter series... The Guardian by Nicholas Sparks...yeah I'm that girl.

10.  Favorite food? Rice... It goes with everything.  Home fried potatoes are a close, close second.

11.  What is your biggest pet peeve? People slurping their food.  Also when people feel like it's necessary to one-up other people they're talking to.  These same people tend to be loud and unnessarily demanding.  I apologize if I'm stereotyping here....      

12.  When did you meet your husband? We knew of each other since 2003-2004 but we didn't really get to know one another until 2006.  Married 6 years in a few days! :)

I think some of y'all might get a good chuckle at this. Feel free to copy and paste these, add on some foolish questions about your first boyfriends or whatever, and share on Facebook so your friends can take the quiz HA!

Part I: Clearing the air...

I posted a Facebook status in a moment of weakness speculating that I may be becoming less of a people person.  Coming from someone that most would consider to be very (if not overly) social, this must have been a total shock.  People came out of the woodwork to make comments or text me about my new hermit status when truthfully I was simply tired and then was rushed out of my hotel, standing outside amongst tense personalities while a fire alarm blared at 11pm on Friday night.  I wasn't feeling overly gracious or loving or funny at that moment.  Just wanted to inform everybody that I appreciate your concern but (maybe unfortunately) I'm still Lendy and I still love to socialize with all my peeps. 

I'm going to start this story off in good fairy tale fashion... Once upon a time there was a young girl working on her Masters degree.  Just like so many before her, the February before graduation she was beginning to panic about what she was going to do with her life once she reached the promised land (aka graduation) in May.  No more late night reading or writing B.S. responses to posts... She sat on her tuffet and pondered and pondered what to do.... She was going to receive a golden ticket that would allow her to go back into the classroom to teach students but unlike "Willie Wonka and The Chocolate Factory" the golden ticket didn't seem all that appealing and could have lead to some very difficult life altering decisions for her and her prince charming.

This story probably sounds similar or familiar to a lot of people coming out of college with a Bachelors or Masters degree.  You're coming to the close of a very important and fun phase of your life and you wait up until the very end to begin thinking about what's next.  In today's world many are faced with the same delimna that our young heroine was faced with... They have to make serious life changes like moving out of town or state to find a good job, or they realize that the occupation they're going into is not as attractive as it may have once appeared.  I'm here to tell you folks...things will work out.  You may not find your dream job or location immediately coming out but in their own time things will fall into place. 

This blog is devoted to skimming the surface of my post graduate school career adventure.  I wanted to post this information as background info to another blog I'm going to write about my recent weekend festivities in the mountains (stay tuned).  I'm not going to publish the name of my workplace in my blog for various reasons.  Those of you who read this and know me are already familiar with the bureau.  I wouldn't say that my current job is my "dream job," but it's pretty close to it.  It encompasses lots of things I dreamed my career would be like...no two days are the same, it's challenging, directly tied to agriculture, and relationship based.  In fact, I never imagined myself where I am right now... but in a good way.     

What do you do?

People ask me this all the time...and honestly I always feel so awkward and clumsy when I try to explain it.  I work for a non-profit, grassroots organization that specifically promotes agricultural awareness and works to protect the best interest of farmers in civic and legislative matters.  Within the company I am a field representative (aka field rep, aka field girl, sometimes wonder woman, newly called LJ, but will always be just Lendy) that covers 11 counties in the northern piedmont of NC (including my home county... CASWELL Woot Woot!!).  I think I mentioned in my first blog that my office is technically " the great white" (my chevy silverado) so many of my blogs and philosophical ramblings are composed while I'm staring over the dashboard driving.  One of my good friends asked me the other day how I chose my blog topics and honestly I write them in my head while I'm driving and sometimes when I'm running.  I don't find the topics...the topics tend to come find me.  :)  

Alright...so what does a field rep do?

Uh.... Well.... I work with farmers and office staff in my district to keep them informed and encourage them to act on important issues that impact the livelihoods of their operations.  Ok? I serve as the liaison between the state level organization and the local (county) level.  Ok? Basically, I am an informant, communicator, translator, event planner / coordinator, encourager, researcher, listener, scheduler, delivery girl, order taker, writer / editor, cook, speaker / presenter, salesperson, graphic designer, financial analysit, auditor, and above all else friend to all of my bureau family.  My roles change depending on the day, and there are definitely some times of the year that are busier than others.  There are days where I'm not sure what I'm doing, but for the most part I can't believe I earn a paycheck and get to do the amazing things I do.  I would seriously do what I do for free... our cause is worthy and the friendships I've made are a blessing (even when I'm tired and whiney).       

There you have it...A quick and probably incomplete snapshot of my day to day life as a big girl for the past 2.5 years.  I'm sure I've left something out.... I didn't give everybody the "textbook" job description.  It has been one of the most difficult, yet rewarding things I've ever done and hopefully it's far from being over.  

To be continued.....

Poser Blog: If I could turn back time....

This morning I read an intriguing blog by one of my friends about what she would do differently if she could turn back time.  She mentioned the danger of looking back into the past... and rightfully so.  I've always been taught, "If we are constantly looking back at closed doors, how can we see the open ones that are ahead of us?" Yet and still there are lots of lessons that can be learned from past experiences to help move forward.

1.  If I could turn back time... I would visit my loved ones more often.  I know I'm not alone in wishing that I had spent more time with people that I loved that I can no longer be with.  I particularly think about my beloved grandparents and how I should have kept going home to see them instead of sleeping in on the weekend or staying in Raleigh because I had "better" things to do.  I'd appreciate the love and lessons learned from those that have either physically or emotionally distanced themselves from me.   

2.  If I could turn back time... I'd say what I mean and mean what I say.  Confession: I suck at being open about my feelings...particularly if they're awkward.  Awkward feelings could be anything ranging from hurt and anger to deep love and appreciation.  Oh yeah, I also suck at accepting compliments and / or criticism at times.  Rather than addressing an issue (some people would call this confrontation) I'm an avoider.  Rather than telling people how I feel about them I give gifts...tangible ones and sometimes sarcastic joking ones.  2 engagements and several close friendships... I've had more than one relationship end or grow cold because of my lack of verbalization and fear of vunerability.  Most people would say that those relationships needed to end or it was meant to be this way...which is both true and fine.  This is more of a reminder of something I'm trying to do better with in the future.

3.  If I could turn back time... I'd live in the present.  HA! Isn't this blog about reflecting on the past? Yes...yes it is and looking back I spent a lot of time hung up on the past or wishing that this phase of life would hurry up and move forward.  My teaching career clearly comes to mind.  While I was teaching it was a day to day survival game and I was constantly counting down days to first one break and then another.  Now I wish I could clearly picture the faces, and remember the hugs and jokes from some of the students I haven't kept up with.  Every day...every moment...good or bad is unique and serves a purpose...We're always moving forward, backward, or side to side toward who we are meant to become and what our greater purpose is.  How much better would those moments be if we spent them devoting our undivided attention to the here and now rather than wishing them away onto something else?  

4.  If I could turn back time... Well I would be more risky.  I would have taken some summer internships out of state and went on a few more wild trips like white water rafting or insect hunting or whatever.  

5.  If I could turn back time... I'd spend more time trying to look cute.  I'm with Kara on this one.  To this day I don't care to put on make-up or be super trendy but sometimes it's necessary and can be a good self esteem boost.  

6.  If I could turn back time... I would give 250% every day, all day, on everything.  There are so many things in my life that I completely half-assed and got away with...mainly in school.  I was satisfied with a low A or a B when if I had put in even an ounce of work I could have aced the paper or the project.  This little factoid has lead to some laziness and complacency on my part on more than one occassion.  My running and tri training are gradually teaching me some discipline and that constant work is necessary for any type of results / success.  

Ok so those are a few things I would change...What are some things I would keep the same?

1.  If I could turn back time... I'd keep my high school experiences the same.  I would still join the FFA, have the same set of friends, experience the same awkwardness...all of it.  They were tough yet fun times. 

2.  If I could turn back time... I would go to NC State and major in agrcultural education.  I'm not using my teaching license right now but many of the lessons learned and experiences had while going through undergrad taught me a lot about myself and set me on the path to where I am now and I'm sure where I will go in the future. 

3.  If I could turn back time... I would teach at Millbrook high school.  I grew up a lot in those 2.5 years and came to love a bunch of pretty special teenagers...who will always be teenagers to me. 

4.  If I could turn back time... I'd leave teaching and go back to grad school.  Teaching helped me to grow up but graduate school reminded me how important it is to have friends.  I didn't necessarily learn a whole lot from reading all of those research articles but my boo helped me discover my love affair with Jesus...my office wife taught me the value of tough love and loyalty... My office family taught me about how to be a part of a community.  It wasn't always pretty but I am so grateful for all of the relationships...individually and collectively...that came as a result of my big girl hiatus.     

5.  If I could turn back time... I would run for National FFA Office but I would not want the outcome to change.  The experience of going through the interview process was so incredible but I'm so glad I didn't get elected.  It would have potentially moved me out of the path of some other things that I have today that I'm so thankful for.

6.  If I could turn back time... I would still marry Michael Johnson.  Enough said...although I might would have eloped and went on an extended honeymoon hahahaha!

  

     

There's a hole in my bucket...

A few years back I wrote a blog about a bad month featuring a fabulous children's book.... "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day."  It's about this little dude who has the worst possible day evvveerrrrr.  I'm pretty sure that we have all had "one of those days" where everything just seemed to come unglued and you basically would rather swallow ground glass than have to speak to anyone.  I'm not writing this blog because I've had "one of those days." More so because I think children's books are pretty awesome and usually lend themselves to some very adult type wisdom. 


Dr. Seuss books almost always contain as much of a lesson for adults as they do for kids.  "Oh The Places You Will Go" has become a new fave to give to graduates or people that are starting out in a new phase.  You'll go into the unknown, you will be scared, sometimes you will be alone, you'll have to wait, but you'll go far and you will succeed.  You don't get that reading 50 shades y'all.  While it might be exciting it leads to some highly unrealistic expectations.  :)

Tonight I'm wishing I could go back to more childhood times where things weren't so complex and scar tissue from past boo boos didn't exist.  On the other hand...it may be weird to lose sleep over  how bad my hair looked or somebody telling someone else about my secret crush on Michael Johnson versus pressure to get projects done at work or relationship drama or the fall of the economy.  I'm not asking for a fairytale ending complete with fancy rainbows and white pony riding princes... soothing thoughts and inner peace would be more ideal.   

The truth is that things are probably never as hard as we perceive them to be but the heart gets full quick sometimes and it's hard to empty it all out.  My mama used to sing me an old hillbilly song about there being a hole in a bucket that belonged to some chick named 'Liza.  We would sing it some nights before bed and I realize now it was just a simple repetitive song that helped ease your brain.  Tonight there is going to be a hole in my bucket...even if I have to drill it myself.                 

At the cross...

Sunday kicked off training season for my fall / winter races.  Post triathlon, I took two weeks off from doing any serious exercise besides lifting some weights and biking a little.  I’ve been psyching myself up mentally for this since the first of July.  I have some race goals to attend to.  :)

In the late summer / fall of 2012 I began training for the Disney Princess Half Marathon.  For all of my friends that have said, “I won’t run unless something is chasing me,” believe me when I say that I never dreamed that I would be able to (let alone want to) run a half marathon.  I figured it was a vacation to Disney World with my family and friends, and if I was going to grind my body for 3 hours it might as well be at a race that would have a positive, fun atmosphere.  Throughout the 4 months of training I would pray on and off about running and I asked God to bless my training and race to His glory.  I had lots and lots of support from friends and family and I often would listen to nothing but worship music on my long runs.  Training, race, whole deal was an amazing experience.  Y’all should try it.      

In preparation for my upcoming races I started to reflect on what I wanted to do differently…if anything.  One thing was to have a routine and be diligent in sticking to it rather than trying to guess or squeeze in what time of day I needed to run / workout.  Suddenly I was convicted about another area of my life that I needed to have a routine and be more diligent on… my daily time with God.  It occurred to me that I had been asking for blessings on my run training when I was being very negligent and inconsistent on my life training...praying, reading, and seeking His face.  Classic…Lendy putting the cart before the horse.  Needless to say I’m trying to turn this oversight around.  I started a new study this week through an online community called #shereadstruth.  (I’ll talk about it more in my next blog.)                

Even though it’s only been a few days I can already tell that my life training is improving my run training.  I stopped listening to music during my shorter runs and I found that I keep a steadier pace.  It gives me time to pray, think, and reflect about God, the day ahead, my life, my loves, etc.  Sunday and today 2 verses of scripture consistently ran through my mind.  “Enter by the narrow gate for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many that who go in by it.  Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life and there are few who find it,” Matthew 7:13-14.  My training runs cover a few decent hills especially during the last mile.  On Sunday I was tempted to turn down a side street that sloped downhill and was relatively flat, or finish uphill and be closer to my house at the end of the run.  Today my left thigh was burning and I had the option of finishing my run or walking ½ a mile up a hill to finish my distance.  Both runs I was presented with options to take an easier path, but I knew I would benefit more if I stayed strong, “…and ran the race before me.”

On both runs God was using very literal and tangible examples to illustrate a much deeper lesson about my recent behavior.  Judging by my thoughts and comments I’ve heard from others I would say I’ve been not just on the broad path, but the fast track to self-destruction.  Running up the last hill on Sunday I kept thinking about how simple it is to fall into a pattern of negative behavior, and not only fall into it but begin to feel comfortable with it.  Here are some of the questions / lies I’ve toyed with in the last month or so.  They don’t make much sense to me now as I type them out but regardless.

• How easy is it to stand back and say nothing or simply agree when someone says bad things about someone else versus changing the subject?
• How much power do you feel when you share other people’s business and pass judgment on their decisions? How much easier would it be to counsel or encourage them?  
• Everything should happen RIGHT NOW instead of in its appropriate time. 
• I’ll misread people’s words or intentions, have hurt feelings, and build and cement an emotional wall quicker than you can find Waldo. 
• Vulnerable…please…ain’t nobody got time for that. 
• I won’t ever be anything but mediocre. 
• I can’t forgive myself for the way I feel and things that happened in the past.  How can God ever forgive me for that? 

The world would like us to believe that we aren’t meant to trust or love others.  We should judge others because let’s be real…we are soooo self-righteous, and everyone should be totally 100% independent.    My devotional this morning said, “Let’s stop.  Let’s put down our DIY efforts of self-salvation and run to the foot of the cross.”  I know I’m not unique in my struggles or life lessons.  Everyone has comfortable pet issues that they keep around just because.  How much more difficult is it for those of us that are believers to find the strength to carry all of this negative weight versus the strength to cling to the cross? We will find the strength to make it up the hill or solid footing on rough ground.  It’s only there that we will have perfect clarity about God, others, and ourselves.    We are set free to love and encourage others unconditionally and unselfishly, and forgive ourselves so that our heavenly Father can completely forgive us.