This letter is not addressed to your sisters from Panera Bread that I bumped into a few years ago. I hope they have graduated on to bigger and better things including big girl jobs, big girl beds, and have traded out bathtub vodka for Pierre.
I'm writing to the ones of you who are out there quietly trying to survive the grind without drowning yourself in some kind of indulgences -- i.e. boys, drugs, and drinks.
I'd specifically like to speak to those of you who are hiding behind a wall. A large, beautiful stone emotional wall.
You don't put yourself out there so you frequently feel as if you go unnoticed. You may or may not think you're beautiful, intelligent, creative, crafty, funny, or (fill-in-the-blank) ENOUGH to be noticed. If you don't have those thoughts at least once a week we gonna need to talk because I think all normal women have that programmed in genetically.
We love to look at one another and those flat girls in magazines. We then compare our image of ourselves on our absolute fattest, dirtiest, I don't even want to put on a bra kind of days to those painted and primed girls who seem to always have it going on. I'll say this, comparison is the thief of all joy sister.
Yep.
I bet if those phantom beauties could talk they would tell you they have days where they hate make-up, bras, and boys too. I bet they have screamed in frustration when a paper towel roll unraveled in their kitchen or went into the pantry for some Cheez Its and the box was in there on the shelf...completely empty. I'm not a betting women, but I'm willing to go a step further and say they probably have at least mentally ate a whole pint of ice cream on a bad day.
Just saying.
We all have our finer moments screaming in the pantry. You though. You have these moments but feel like you shouldn't let it out. You're in the midst of inner turmoils. You're trying to figure out this tangled thing called life. You're dealing with good and bad relationships with boys, girls, dogs, and anything else that holds the breath of life...including yourself. You spend your days smiling and your nights crying. Bless your heart baby girls.
You're scared to show others the underside of your armor. You validate it by saying no one cares because you're not (fill-in-the-blank) ENOUGH anyway. You think your interests, thoughts, and struggles are scary because they don't match up to this glittering perception in your mind of what they should be.
For this one time, glitter is not your friend. Don't follow the glittery signs. The signs contain lying thoughts streaming over and over constantly leading you into deeper and deeper isolation. All of the sudden you relinquish your power and they are stealing whatever joy, comfort, and security you feel in your natural talents and especially in blossoming relationships. The anxiety, self-loathing, and fear cast you into so much darkness you can't see (believe) the subtle cardboard signs held by the people that love you that say you are ENOUGH.
Take it from someone who recently knocked down the wall like it was the Berlin wall in the 80's. Oh...you don't remember that. Well how about from someone who knocked down the wall like Miley Cyrus did in "Wrecking Ball?" .....
You don't have to fight the fight behind your stone wall alone. I'm sure inside that wall is a secret garden. If God's the Gardner the flower beds and plants will not be perfectly laid out, but the colors are vivid just like your personality. The air smells like fresh soil because the ground is being broken and you're a work in progress. There are seeds being planted and fruit taking form. Don't be afraid to let the people the Lord sends into your life to help pick up a shovel or rake and help with the heavy lifting.
I'll bring the skid steer and some Cheez It's.
Bless your heart sweet girls,
Lendy
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