To the Baby Girls Part 2

Dear Baby Girls,

This letter is not addressed to your sisters from Panera Bread that I bumped into a few years ago.  I hope they have graduated on to bigger and better things including big girl jobs, big girl beds, and have traded out bathtub vodka for Pierre.  

I'm writing to the ones of you who are out there quietly trying to survive the grind without drowning yourself in some kind of indulgences -- i.e. boys, drugs, and drinks.  

I'd specifically like to speak to those of you who are hiding behind a wall.  A large, beautiful stone emotional wall.  

You don't put yourself out there so you frequently feel as if you go unnoticed.  You may or may not think you're beautiful, intelligent, creative, crafty, funny, or (fill-in-the-blank) ENOUGH to be noticed.  If you don't have those thoughts at least once a week we gonna need to talk because I think all normal women have that programmed in genetically.  

We love to look at one another and those flat girls in magazines.  We then compare our image of ourselves on our absolute fattest, dirtiest, I don't even want to put on a bra kind of days to those painted and primed girls who seem to always have it going on.  I'll say this, comparison is the thief of all joy sister.  

Yep.  

I bet if those phantom beauties could talk they would tell you they have days where they hate make-up, bras, and boys too.  I bet they have screamed in frustration when a paper towel roll unraveled in their kitchen or went into the pantry for some Cheez Its and the box was in there on the shelf...completely empty.  I'm not a betting women, but I'm willing to go a step further and say they probably have at least mentally ate a whole pint of ice cream on a bad day.  

Just saying.

We all have our finer moments screaming in the pantry.  You though.  You have these moments but feel like you shouldn't let it out.  You're in the midst of inner turmoils.  You're trying to figure out this tangled thing called life.  You're dealing with good and bad relationships with boys, girls, dogs, and anything else that holds the breath of life...including yourself.  You spend your days smiling and your nights crying.  Bless your heart baby girls.

You're scared to show others the underside of your armor.  You validate it by saying no one cares because you're not (fill-in-the-blank) ENOUGH anyway.  You think your interests, thoughts, and struggles are scary because they don't match up to this glittering perception in your mind of what they should be.  

For this one time, glitter is not your friend.  Don't follow the glittery signs.  The signs contain lying thoughts streaming over and over constantly leading you into deeper and deeper isolation.  All of the sudden you relinquish your power and they are stealing whatever joy, comfort, and security you feel in your natural talents and especially in blossoming relationships.  The anxiety, self-loathing, and fear cast you into so much darkness you can't see (believe) the subtle cardboard signs held by the people that love you that say you are ENOUGH.  

Take it from someone who recently knocked down the wall like it was the Berlin wall in the 80's.  Oh...you don't remember that.  Well how about from someone who knocked down the wall like Miley Cyrus did in "Wrecking Ball?" ..... 

You don't have to fight the fight behind your stone wall alone.  I'm sure inside that wall is a secret garden.  If God's the Gardner the flower beds and plants will not be perfectly laid out, but the colors are vivid just like your personality.  The air smells like fresh soil because the ground is being broken and you're a work in progress.  There are seeds being planted and fruit taking form.  Don't be afraid to  let the people the Lord sends into your life to help pick up a shovel or rake and help with the heavy lifting.

I'll bring the skid steer and some Cheez It's.    

Bless your heart sweet girls,

Lendy   

A note to an old friend...

To my dear friend,

I remember the first time I met you.  Someone introduced you to me in the girls' locker room in 9th grade.  I wasn't sure where our friendship would lead but I felt a strange sense of pride and comfort standing there with you.

Over the next 4-5 years, we spent a lot of time together.  We changed together physically and emotionally.  You were never too fashionable, but neither was I.  Each new version of ourselves was better than the last though.

I loathed carrying you around during the summer, but loved your warm embrace in the winter.

You shared many laughs with me and our mutual friends.  Most of my closest friends were close friends with you too.  I still keep in touch with them today.

You held me close during some of my most fearful times as a teenager.  You were the Superman "S" when I needed confidence to perform under pressure.  Today I still remember your gentle encouragement every time I give a speech, every time I'm handling live animals, each time I get the opportunity to work the earth, and even when I'm experiencing tearful public disappointments.

The day we parted ways was a sad day.  I knew things between us would never be the same even though I'm privileged to still see you around today.  I've watched you embrace many other little ones, some of which I deeply love too.  I see you nurturing, protecting, and training them in the way only you can do.  

With convention coming up I can't help but think about you.  May you never fade away old friend.

I'm forever yours.  Forever Blue.

(A letter to my FFA jacket)

Letters from Lendy, " Dear early 20-something version of myself..."

Dear early 20-something baby version of me,

Set that beer down and come over here for a few minutes.  This must seem so strange.  Like one of those Hallmark movies where people travel back in time to stop their younger selves from doing something incredibly stupid.  I'm writing you this knowing I can't change your mind.  You're young, independent, and full of yourself.  I just wanted to share some wisdom with you that I hope you remember in the next 10 years and we continue to apply in the following 40 years.  "You don't need my help." Ha! Of course you don't.  I'm happy to report that despite all of your foolishness, we have come out pretty durn good so far.  Can I just tell you how well you're going to age sister? Yeah you know when you're 30 and all ancient and stuff.  People are going to look at you and still call you a baby.  What's that? You're not a baby you say?  Oh honey... Sit back, sip your beverage, and read for a few minutes.  

Hate to tell you, but there will come a time when you'll turn down Bojangles for a strawberry spinach salad.  "The hell you say?" I'm not kidding.  In fact you're going to run, lift weights, and work out 6 days a week.  You're going to spend Sunday nights preparing meals for the week rather than stopping by Panera Bread.  You're even going to drink coffee black.  Stop laughing.  Sweet tea will become too sweet for you but don't fret you're still gonna drink a glass of wine or two every once in a while.  We both know how incredibly self-conscience we are about our weight.  We've been told our entire lives we have a genetic predisposition to be plain, thick and overweight.  That's just not true honey.  And even if that were the case, the hateful, hurtful things that were said to us about our physical appearance doesn't define who we really are.  We will spend the rest of our lives processing this, but I've been told it becomes easier to believe the truth in time.  Don't give up.  Processing is going to help us realize that someday (maybe on death's doorstep at age 45) we're going to do something to reach out to other girls like us.  We're going to help them believe they're lovely, and get healthy mentally and physically.  

Keep wondering about that guy Jesus.  I know He sometimes pops into your mind between all those important thoughts you have about yourself.  (Rolls eyes)  Ask questions about Him, talk out loud to Him, maybe crack open that bible Aunt Lisa bought us 10 years ago.  I'm regretting your lack of thoughts towards Him right now.  You will forever remember and love the way our old church smells like dusty books and freshly polished wood.  You will still cry when testimony is given or people talk about Jesus' sacrifice for you.  Stop denying you cry.  God forbid we have some feelings.  You'll realize those tears come from somewhere deeper than just empathy.  I'm not going to tell you where just yet.  God is teaching you how to be obedient and you don't even know it.  There are still many, many lessons to learn.  Right now you're still living like the prideful little brat you've always been.  Don't worry, you will look back in the not so distant future and see how He is pursuing you and protecting you from your bull-headed self.  It will take multiple wake-up calls, some intense emotional pain / loss, and finally a few blessings before you'll understand what I mean here.  Just trust me that our relationship with Jesus is the most important relationship we'll ever have.               

I'm going to regret saying this....Listen to your mother.  I'm cringing here 10+ years later.  I must say I STILL don't always listen to her but dang if she isn't right when it comes to knowing stuff about us and what's good for us.  You haven't stopped gritting your teeth when she claims she's right.  By the way, she thinks you're starving yourself and you're too skinny.  Some things don't change.  Not to get all philosophical, I think we all have to just go our own way and learn things on our terms.  We could save ourselves some wounds, healing time, and scars if we'd just listen when the people who love us and know us try to speak reason to us.  She may not always go about it in the best way, but someday you're going to realize she's only seemingly fussing at you because she loves you and the ache she feels when you hurt is just as intense.  Someday you'll wake up and start seeing your parents in the same light as you see yourself.  People.  People with feelings and unique personalities.  They are imperfect and they fail, but they deserve the same grace and consideration we think / hope we can obtain when we screw up.  Having said that, the "told you so tone" she uses is just as annoying in the future as it was ever.  Just tell her you're going to do what you want and then file away what she says to think about before you make any decisions.  Saves face, but watch out for that silent treatment though... it's rough.        

We're still learning how to trust and rely on others to support us emotionally.  Deep breath... we're sensitive.  I heard that scoff all the way here in the future....that's going to be a difficult realization for you around age 28-29.  Just wait.  We are not as strong and impenetrable as we think we are.  By building up our emotional walls we've been well protected these past 20 something years but we've denied ourselves some desperately needed counsel and affection from the wonderful friends and family we have around us.  The sooner we figure out how to balance our independence with quality dependence the better off we will be.

Oh and by the way, the fall off the judgement seat of our high and mighty horse is a long fall.  Your ego is gonna hurt after that one.  It's actually shattered some for the better.

Suffice to say when you graduate into your 30's you're going to realize how simple it is to dream dreams and set goals, but it's even more simple to make excuses as to why they cannot be accomplished.  You'll realize this after you fight with your personal trainer about meal preparation and giving up half & half in your coffee.  You're going to really admire and appreciate folks who dream big and then work to make it happen.  You're going to want to be a part of that even if failure is involved which isn't always comfortable for you.  We are growing.  

Your work wagon is loaded my love.  It's only going to get worse as you further your career, try other new things, and maybe give into the world's wishes and have some babies.  Now we're both laughing.  Don't let your priorities and creativity fall by the wayside because you become overwhelmed with the obligations of the daily grind.  Where there is a will, surely there is a way.  Yeah, now I'm sounding old and cliché.  There are a lot of other important little nuggets I wanted to share with you but this letter is getting long and it's getting extremely late.  I wanna wrap this up before you think it's okay to crack open another beer.  You may not love me right now, but you'll learn to in time.  If anyone else reads this letter they're going to realize how challenging the pronouns were.
"What are pronouns?"  Great question.

LJ        

Letters from Lendy -- Baby Girls

Dear young college girls behind me in line at Panera Bread:

The fake valley girl accent you're using was old in 1998.  You're in college... "adorbs" is not a word.  How drunk you were last night and how you were sleeping in a bathtub this morning is not funny at all.  The very sound of your high pitch laughter, too short / tight clothing, and total lack of self respect makes me cringe, feel annoyed, and worried about you all at once.

Maybe I haven't had enough coffee this morning, or maybe if you could hear my thoughts you'd say that girl is just a jealous hater.  I mean look at me.  Rolling in with my hair pulled up, no make-up, old yellow shorts, camo crocks, and a t-shirt.  This has always been me.  Awkward and country while you slept in a tub full of vodka but are made-up and rocking jacks and juicy couture straight from the page of Cosmo.  Part of me wishes that I could have been more "put together" like you but definitely not enough to change at this point.

Take it from your 30 year old sister, you may always enjoy / like the finer things in life but at some point those tubs will become too hard to sleep in.  The booze will cause you to feel worse than any of the problems you had before you started drinking.  You'll realize that true love doesn't happen overnight, and boys in bars don't necessarily make good daddies and husbands.  People will respect and take you seriously if you can carry on a conversation without using weird slang every two seconds.  This will be important as you look for jobs and determine what you want to be when you grow up.  2 out of 3 of you will not find a permanent paid "MRS" position while you're in school.  Instead of talking bad about your girlfriends while they're in the bathroom, learn how to have each others' back and love them well, because true friends are hard to come by and even harder to keep.

I sincerely wish you well on your journey.  The social drama may seem super important and consuming now but paying bills, working 40 hours per week, maintaining good relationships, and being a big girl will make all these things seem like fun.  Figure out who you are, have fun, but be safe.  I'm praying for you.

Now move over so I can get my hazelnut coffee and tell me where did you find that cute Louis V clutch?

Bless your heart baby girls,

Lendy