A few of my favorite things.

Thank you to the many people that have been praying for Mikey and I over the past 2 weeks.  Most of you have seen the posts / heard that Mike's Dad went home to the Lord last Monday.  He was suffering so greatly that we are honestly thankful for God's swift and ultimate mercy.  Mikey is an only child so over the past week we have worked to begin the process of executing his Dad's estate.  As the sole heir he also holds sole responsibility for making sure that everything is closed out and taken care of.  We feel that we have gotten a good start but it will likely be months before all of the details of the estate are closed.  We were finally able to come home this past weekend.  I arrived late Thursday night because of a meeting on Friday and Mike followed Friday afternoon.  After visiting with some friends Saturday morning I slept most of the day yesterday while Mike continued working on some paperwork.  This morning I woke up to a beautiful sunrise but there was little joy to be found in my heart.  The peaks and valleys of the past two weeks finally caught me and put me on my knees today.  Tonight I am particularly...salty... so rather than hurt over the recent events I decided to make a list of things that have made me happy over the past 2 weeks.  This might give everyone some further insight into how strange I really am.

1.  Subway sandwiches with baked cheddar and sour cream ruffles.

2.  Throwing wet towels over Mama's head and running away before she can retaliate.

3.  Granma looking like she had won the lottery when I brought her a combination plate of fried oysters and shrimp with french fries back from Elizabeth City. 

4.   Mikey sleeping with his arm around me and his hand over my heart.

5.  My Boo.  

6.  Bella   

7.  The way my Aunt Jeannie still kisses me on the lips even though I'm 30.  :)  

8.  Mr. Johnson whispering to me that I look good.  

9.  Holding hands and praying.   

10.  Mike's 47 year old cousin jamming to Jay-Z and Beyonce in the hospital hallway at 1am.  

11.  3am ice cream party with Mike, George, and Mr. Johnson.       

12.  Granma always reaching to hold my hand when she's talking to me.  (Again.. hand holding)

13.  The smell of honeysuckles on the trail during last Sunday's bike ride.  

14.  Looking at baby pictures of Mikey and older photos of his family.    

15.  Ms. Alma Roundtree's homemade chicken and pastry.

16.  Panera Hazelnut Coffee

17.  Talking to my County liaisons.  (They are the best.)

18.  Texts and messages from concerned friends.

19.  My Daddy driving 10 hours to be with us and bringing Mike's Granma some "side meat" knowing that she would fry it up the next day.

20.  My fave waitress at The Border not recognizing me with my hair down, regular clothes, and make-up on.

21.  Dirty rice at 10pm.

22.  Watching stupid Youtube videos with Mama.  

23.  The look my Uncle Cliff had when I gave him a picture of his daddy (my grandaddy) that I copied for him.    

24.  Sleeping with both of my turbo fans running at high speed.   

25.  Discovering that while pictures of people running on the beach look awesome, I don't actually like to run on the beach.  

I feel better.  :) 

There is something oddly peaceful about a hospital in the middle of the night.  The bright fluorescent lights are dimmed from suntan stun level to the homiest glow they can muster.  As I walk the deserted halls all I hear is deep breathing, soft beeping from some machines, and the steady hum of the air unit.  I'm thinking if I never see the inside of a hospital again that would still be too soon.  

Mikey's daddy is dying.  Very suddenly but also very slowly and painfully at the same time.  Mr. Johnson's past medical history is very complex and he is very fortunate that after 2 organ transplants he has lived an additional 17 years with fairly good quality of life.  It seems now that his body has just had enough and is turning against him for the last time through his blood.  It is amazing to me that here at the last he still knows who we all are, tells stories in detail about friends and family from the past, and is deeply concerned about our future once he, "goes home." He made me promise to take care of his "buddy." I only promised to not give him anymore gray hairs.  :) 

This has been a truly heartbreaking week.  Mrs. Johnson's quick diagnosis and death last Fall was tough, but this is worse if you can imagine that.  Mikey relies on his Daddy.  He calls him to ask questions.  They religiously discussed sports, especially racing, and they are both sickeningly in love with their iPads.  :)  When I had food poisoning last week, Mike slept on the couch while I puked my guts up and our little dog enjoyed my tainted chicken sandwich for the second time.  Less than a week later, I've witnessed the same man literally feed and help his Dad drink fluids since he can no longer do it for himself.  He has helped his Dad do things that most of us would blush even thinking about.  Mikey has gone with very little sleep or peace and had to face decisions this week that no one should ever have to face.  He has done it all without complaining and only letting his guard down in private.  I have so much respect for my husband's incredible strength and unselfishness in the face of such heavy burdens.

In typical fashion I'm trying to be strong and calm in the moment while I feel like I'm coming undone on the inside.  Aside from watching this physically and spiritually big and strong man slip away, it is soul crushing to me to watch Mikey endure yet another great loss.  I have to take long walks and get it out of my system.  Tonight I walked to the chapel.  Jesus and I ate a bag of baked cheddar ruffles sitting on the floor.  He listened while I cleansed my eyes and my soul for a good hour and after I was done He showed me some messages that other people had written to Him and left in the Chapel.  He was listening because these people were also discussing some of the very things I had laying on my heart.   

         

I begged for sweet mercy for Mr. Johnson and forgiveness for my ungratefulness.  Watching someone who is losing their life express how appreciative they are for material provision, of all the people they love or have loved along the way, and the second chances they were given (even those not taken) will convict and slap some sense into an ungrateful heart.  Lord, I've been living in a fog but I know someday I'll understand completely.  "For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then I shall know just as I also am known."  

Please pray for my sweet Mikey and for his Daddy.  I know many of you already have been, and for that I am truly, deeply, sincerely, eternally grateful.

Letters from Lendy -- Baby Girls

Dear young college girls behind me in line at Panera Bread:

The fake valley girl accent you're using was old in 1998.  You're in college... "adorbs" is not a word.  How drunk you were last night and how you were sleeping in a bathtub this morning is not funny at all.  The very sound of your high pitch laughter, too short / tight clothing, and total lack of self respect makes me cringe, feel annoyed, and worried about you all at once.

Maybe I haven't had enough coffee this morning, or maybe if you could hear my thoughts you'd say that girl is just a jealous hater.  I mean look at me.  Rolling in with my hair pulled up, no make-up, old yellow shorts, camo crocks, and a t-shirt.  This has always been me.  Awkward and country while you slept in a tub full of vodka but are made-up and rocking jacks and juicy couture straight from the page of Cosmo.  Part of me wishes that I could have been more "put together" like you but definitely not enough to change at this point.

Take it from your 30 year old sister, you may always enjoy / like the finer things in life but at some point those tubs will become too hard to sleep in.  The booze will cause you to feel worse than any of the problems you had before you started drinking.  You'll realize that true love doesn't happen overnight, and boys in bars don't necessarily make good daddies and husbands.  People will respect and take you seriously if you can carry on a conversation without using weird slang every two seconds.  This will be important as you look for jobs and determine what you want to be when you grow up.  2 out of 3 of you will not find a permanent paid "MRS" position while you're in school.  Instead of talking bad about your girlfriends while they're in the bathroom, learn how to have each others' back and love them well, because true friends are hard to come by and even harder to keep.

I sincerely wish you well on your journey.  The social drama may seem super important and consuming now but paying bills, working 40 hours per week, maintaining good relationships, and being a big girl will make all these things seem like fun.  Figure out who you are, have fun, but be safe.  I'm praying for you.

Now move over so I can get my hazelnut coffee and tell me where did you find that cute Louis V clutch?

Bless your heart baby girls,

Lendy

Lendy's Throwback Moodle Posts: Pencils Down

I am a slow, methodical test taker.  It literally took me forever to complete an essay test because I would outline and write every single detail I could think of, always rushing at the end and stressed that I would not finish in time.  On days like today, I would go back and take 10 essay tests on the Assyrian empire or Henry David Thoreau every day just to know the right answer to one of life's many test questions.  Example:

1.  Part A.  List every single task you need to be have completed.  If you have not completed said tasks please state why.
      Part B.  Explain step by step how you to plan to accomplish each of these items without:
                   i.  Making someone angry or hurt.
                   ii.  Meeting and not exceeding any proposed deadlines.
                   iii. Completing task at a level that exceeds personal and public expectations.

2.  Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years? What do you want to accomplish? List out how you plan to do it.

All the leadership training in the world didn't prepare me to give sincere answers to these questions.  If you can't tell, I feel like I'm in the midst of a tough life essay test.  For the past 2 weeks especially I've been puzzling through questions about my future, questioning things in my relationships with some of my closet friends, and struggling to list out things I need to be working on rather than procrastinating.  It's caused some test anxiety... personal emotional conflicts of frustration, feeling very insecure, and lack of confidence, BUT I know I'm going to pass the test.  Not because I studied hard or completed my assignments, but because my Teacher is divinely forgiving.  That doesn't stop me from wanting to succeed.  It does provide some motivation on days like today to keep studying and keep working when I feel lost and overwhelmed.  I remember the look some of my students with learning disabilities had as they stared at their papers with no clue as to where to start.   If anything, I'm so fortunate I've been given every opportunity to be great in all things, and capable of helping others be great even when I think my stock is running low.

I'm grateful for growth as I am learning how to maintain my focus on the main thing.  

"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.  But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." -- James 1:2-4

Letters from Lendy - Monday

Dear Monday,

Let's skip the pleasantries shall we? My granma (God rest her soul) would roll over in her grave if she knew I wasn't going to ask you how things were going, but quite frankly I'm not asking because I don't care to know.  You have little (if any) regard for trying my patience at every opportunity, why play nice now? You intentionally dialed up cold nasty weather to start this week.  Apparently you've been terrorizing other people too because most people I talked with today were ill as old bell hornets or being as spiteful as possible.  It's Saturday and Sunday's fault you say? Your sexy sister Saturday and sweet sister Sunday who are always fun to be with and willingly spend time with my family and friends? Those same sisters that love to nap, watch movies, run, swim, bike, shop, drive... and all other things that are glorious? I don't even really mind working some with Saturday and Sunday.  They don't care if I work in my yoga pants or at the coffee hut down the street (in my yoga pants).  Monday, between you and I old compadre, you need to loosen up.  Go workout, have a drink, knit a sweater, something.  You don't have to be as cool as your sisters, but right now your only saving grace is that I get to have some sweet fellowship early on your watch and for that I'm grateful.  When that goes away I'm not sure what we're going to do.  Do NOT suggest margarita Monday.  However tempting after your stunts today; it ain't gonna happen.    

I'm watching you.

Lendy

P.S. Please call up your BFF Mother Nature and see if she's over her toxic relationship with Winter yet.  Seems like she's getting there but she just needs to go ahead and kick old son to the curb.

Conviction #9999

Ecclesiastes may be one of the most depressing yet relevant books of scripture we've talked about thus far during church.  All the work we do, the knowledge we gain, honor that we obtain, "everything under the sun" is meaningless apart from  God.  We had a pretty fabulous and convicting message this morning on being an overachiever, secluding oneself, popularity, and community.  I can relate to Solomon's "solemn" outlook on life when I struggle to maintain focus on Jesus, get distracted by achievements or attention, and intentionally separate myself from my village.  Truth is our world is desperately lonely.  Even those of us who may be married or surrounded by close friends and family can be swayed to feel set apart.  We can also intentionally set ourselves apart in an effort to be a standout, not vulnerable, or focused on some type of material acquisition.  Our short little passage was a clear reminder that folks were not designed to operate apart from one another.  We all desire love from each other (whether you like it or not can only happen through Christ) and (whether we like it or not ) need spiritual accountability to keep our focus as it should be.

7 Then I returned, and I saw vanity under the sun: 8 There is one alone, without companion: He has neither son nor brother. Yet there is no end to all his labors, Nor is his eye satisfied with riches. But he never asks, “For whom do I toil and deprive myself of good?” This also is vanity and a grave misfortune. 9 Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. 10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up. 11 Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone? 12 Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken. 13 Better a poor and wise youth Than an old and foolish king who will be admonished no more. 14 For he comes out of prison to be king, Although he was born poor in his kingdom. 15 I saw all the living who walk under the sun; They were with the second youth who stands in his place. 16 There was no end of all the people over whom he was made king; Yet those who come afterward will not rejoice in him. Surely this also is vanity and grasping for the wind.

"Lent" Licker Lendy

My honorary Cajun status has been revoked.  Yesterday was Fat Tuesday and I didn't even know it, which consequently means that today is the first day of Lent.  I wouldn't have had any idea except my boo texted early this morning to tell me she had chosen to lay aside coffee for her Lent season.  I pondered for mere seconds what it would be like for me to give up coffee for 40 days, and swiftly came to the conclusion that it would lead to more un-Christ-like behavior than penitent prayer. 

Truth is I’m not clear on how this whole Lent thing works.  Growing up, the only “Lent” I knew about was spelled l-i-n-t and got caught in the dryer trap.  My mixed breed Baptist family did not observe Lent.  My friends in high school used Lent as a way to temporarily lose a few pounds from giving up fast food or soft drinks.  I got the idea Lent was about giving up unhealthy or negative habits that you were already trying to give up just that during those 40 days Jesus was watching you closer than normal.  How ridiculous right? Yet that was my attitude about practicing Lent until I went to graduate school and met some devout Catholics and Methodists who truly observe the season of Lent.  I found out that Lent is really about sacrifice, repentance, and drawing closer to God.  People generally lay something aside or give something up in order to spend more time intentionally seeking God or trusting in His strength to keep them from running back to what they have put down. 

Since I've come to grasp more clearly what Lent is about, I have sincerely tried to give something up that I really depended upon or that took time away from prayer and bible study each Lent season.  Some years have been more successful than others due to my weak flesh.  ("Watch an pray, lest you enter into temptation.  The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." Matthew 26:41) Since this morning I've spent the better part of the day pondering what I can set aside or give up in order to draw closer to Him during this season.  There's the obvious... coffee, Facebook, my blog (y’all wish), running (L), etc.  My mind wanders back to how demanding my work and schedule have been for the past few weeks and I start thinking how incredibly impossible it seems to give up something I enjoy when everything else around me seems so hard.  I realized these thoughts suggest that my heart’s not trusting in His strength, and then another thought popped into this hard head...

Maybe I don’t need to take something away...maybe I need to add something. 

Lately I have felt so incredibly overwhelmed with work that every day is mainly just going through the motions in order to survive and advance.  For the past 2 weeks I walk through the door at night and simply say, “I got nothing left for today.” I don’t know if I can technically do this (because I don’t know ALL the Lent rules), but what I would like to do every day for the next 40 days is take time each day to write a note of love or encouragement to someone.  I want to trust God that when I say I don’t have time or I don’t have anything left that He will give me the words and make provision to make this happen.  Maybe my Lent project isn't conventional and maybe it doesn't follow the rules, but I’m hoping even though I’m adding something instead of subtracting something, “He will increase, and I will decrease.”   

So, if you would like to receive a little note in the next few weeks, don’t be shy... send me your address.  Do not feel presumptuous.  You’re helping me keep my Lent promise, and it’s really a privilege to be able to pray for y’all and offer up words of love and encouragement even if I have to borrow them from someone else because mine aren't all that sufficient.  J